Days Like This

I hate days like this. Days when there’s nothing you can do or say to knock down the wall that’s between you and your spouse. It all started with an unresolved disagreement before bed, that was really an unresolved disagreement from weeks ago. Our counselor would say it’s a vignette that’s been going on far too long, but for some reason, we just can’t seem to close this one. So of course, that carries over all through the night. The person that said “just sleep it off” didn’t know what he was talking about. The anger and hurt just slowly simmers overnight until it’s a boiling pot by morning. That led to me dumping that pot of boiling water on Casey first this morning and by the time I brought it up, it had really become a hearty stew. So pot of boiling water dumped, Casey now covered in “blisters”… not such a good morning. Now there’s more than one vignette left unresolved and each carries a weight that’s hard to bear. Anger stirs over little things like who is taking the dog out, but we both know that’s not the issue. Driving to church, anger billowing throughout the car, but silently we sit. At church we sit next to friends, raise our hands and Casey even gives me the “sweet couple” arm around the back. We’re professionals. For a moment, I start to believe that we are actually better. That the vignettes are closed and we are reengaging. Then we get in the car. The clouds of anger were patiently waiting in the car for us to return. (We should have left the windows open). Casey’s blisters were slowly festering out anger and resentment as the steam from my boiling water emitted hurt and anger into the air. By the time we get home, after 20 minutes of short words and silence, my pot boils over and Casey’s blisters burst. And now here we are, sitting in one of those days. We’re no longer just slyly avoiding eye contact or physical contact for that matter. Now we are blatantly residing in different rooms, doors slammed shut. And the vignette drags on…  I could definitely do without days like this.

About Shana Bresnahan Interactive media evangelist at Vanderbilt University Medical Center that truly loves life, loves God and loves others. Wife to Casey. Owner of Minny. Aunt to 11. Advocate of transparency. (Opinions my own)
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9 Responses to Days Like This

  1. Pingback: Days Like This Part II « My Marriage in Motion

  2. Monica says:

    You write so beautifully and from the heart that it’s hard to see the hurt inside the words. Take a moment – both of you – to remember what brought you together. Realize that it’s all a part of building your life together. When Rick & I would argue, eventhough we were angry, just a “touch” would melt my heart – it still does.. I guess what I’m really trying to say is… “get over it” ❤

    • @Monica – Your post is making Casey and I laugh out loud right now. I couldn’t agree more. Sometimes I do just need to “get over it!” Thankfully today’s argument is over and will not be carried on to another day. Your post and mom’s has me really appreciating how awesome my family is. You all rock! And know me way too well 😉

  3. Jerilyn says:

    Life is so short. If you let the little things stay inside then they will build up until you lose your best friend and your husband or wife to things that you cannot even remember. Open up the doors and your hearts. Thank the lord that you have each other. Somebody has to open the door. Which one will it be?

    • Now I know where I getting my writing skills from. That was wonderfully written mom. You have an incredible son-in-law who as usual, initiated restoration. Conflict resolved and connection initiated. Thank you for your challenging words and your phone call tonight. I love you mommy dearest!

  4. Bunny says:

    Oh Shana, we have had many days like this in our 18 years. It’s growth believe it or not. No marriage is without it I don’t care who tries to tell you different. I truly believe in some crazy way these things bring depth to a marriage. I feel like it has ours. I just pray at times like this, usually asking God to just “help”. He knows already what’s going on and give him the space and time He needs to mend it. Then be sure and thank Him for once again pulling you two through another loop. A marriage takes three, lean on that third that’s really the first. love you both and said a prayer for you, bunny

    • @Bunny – Sometimes it’s hard to remember that this is all for our good. Ironically, we went through the conflict chapter of Sacred Marriage during community group tonight. Your post and that chapter remind me that marriage is not about happiness, but about being refined to look more like Christ. And man does the fire burn sometimes. Thank you for your prayers sweet friend!

  5. Joshua says:

    You, my friend, have quite a way with expressing yourself in writing. You also have a brother who is praying for you and your husband today.

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